boys and beans

"You never came back for your beans," he said to me.
He startled me sneaking up on me like that.
"I was in a hurry and needed to go." I told him. "You were talking to your boss when I came back for the beans. I didn't want to trouble you."

"No bother. I went to the back for better beans and I came back, but you were gone. I looked for you in the frozen foods, but you had already checked out."

"I was in a hurry and needed to go." I repeated. "And really, the bin beans were fine. Sorry to cause you the trouble."

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the Produce Man at the Saratoga supermarket has stopped staring and has started talking.

Frankly, it's become a bit unfortunate.

I thought it would be better if he talked. Rather than just stand there and stare, which is what he was doing for a while. Even when I said "Hi" to him he wouldn't answer. He'd smile - but still, just stand there and stare, slowly fixing his fruit…his arms elbow deep in melons or apples or broccoli.

I hate going grocery shopping when he's there.
And he's ALWAYS there.

Why can't we have a creepy butcher instead?
Then I'd never see him. Or perhaps at least not notice him.
Standing and staring, standing and staring....

Oh don't be silly...
He stares at everyone. I'm certain of it.
Everyone who's a girl, or female at least!

He's perfectly harmless.
Perhaps I'm just quickly creeped.

So just the other day he decided to talk.
He saw me selecting green beans from the bin around 10 that night, when the store was close to closing.

"Don't bag those beans from the bin," he had said.
"I will go to the back and bring you better beans. Those have been there all day."

I thanked him and told him it really wasn't necessary.
I didn't need many beans, and the beans I had bagged were not bad.

He shook his head no.

"Finish your shopping," he said. "I will go get you better beans.
I will come find you in one of the aisles."

I didn't.
I finished my shopping in a hurry and checked out with my original bag of beans.

"My beans would have been better," he told me.

"I'm sure your beans were better,
but the bin beans really weren't bad." I said.

"Of course my beans are better,
but you went with the bad beans instead," he said again.
"Today you take home the better beans."

"But I don't need beans today," I told him.
"Today I'm here for tomatoes. And these tomatoes look great!"

"But the beans are on sale. And they're fresh."

"Fine," I said frazzled."I'll take the beans and the tomatoes.
You're right, they're beautiful beans.
Besides, having too many beans certainly can't be bad."

"Of course not," he said.

I hadn't had this much trouble with beans and boys since the 4th grade.
But perhaps you've heard this one before…

I was the nerdy new girl at an elementary school out in California. I was a "brown bag" lunch girl by choice, but while we were moving into our new home, my mother made me sign up for the "hot lunch" program.

On my first day, I got my tray. I ate the green jello, forked a few train tracks through the mashed potatoes, glugged down the chocolate milk…I must've eaten the main entree as well because all that were left were the vegetables - a generous serving of green beans.

At the time, my ten-year-old taste buds were fans of few vegetables.
Done with my nutritious lunch, I picked up the tray and headed for the trash can.

"Stop! Right there!" an appointed cafeteria cop bellowed behind me.
"You aren't going ANYWHERE until that tray is clean!
Hot lunchers have to finish everything on their plate before they are excused."

I panicked -- I had been enrolled in Alcatraz Elementary.
I hated green beans and outside there were some monkey bars calling my name.

All eyes were on me as I returned to my bench and sadly stared at my single serving of green beans.

That's when I saw him....Danny Mendez, the obligatory super-sized student of the 4th grade.

"Psst! Slide over here," he offered.
"If you'll be my girlfriend, I'll eat your vegetables -- every day!
Whatever you don't like, I will eat it!" It was love at first bite.

Fast forward fifeteen years...I became a vegetarian.